


Bonds

by nanuk_dain



Series: Drift Compatible [46]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Drifting, Family Feels, Feels, Ghost Drifting, M/M, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 15:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13391091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: Raleigh and Mako bond over drifting, their rather unusual families and Chuck's stubbornness.





	Bonds

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly work and uni are back now, and I most likely won't have much time to write in the next weeks, but I'm still hoping to get the next fic finished soon (it's loooooooong ^^). I'm still in the flow and my Muse is being very generous and I don't want to miss out on any of her inspirations...

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 26th 2025_

 

It's precisely nine o'clock in the morning when Raleigh enters the drivesuit room belonging to the drift simulator. He spots Mako already easing carefully into the circuitry suit. She's supported by two techs because her left arm is still in a sling which they had to undo for the procedure. Now they're trying to get her into the tight suit without upsetting her healing collarbone before they can reattach the sling. Raleigh wonders how the heck she's supposed to do a battle simulation with a broken collarbone. In that moment she notices him and greets him with a pleased smile that's full of anticipation. She wants to be here and do this, there's no doubt about that. Raleigh decides that he'll take the left hemisphere, then, because his left shoulder may not be back to a 100%, but it's still better off than Mako's broken collarbone.

Raleigh returns Mako's smile before he quickly changes into his drivesuit speedo and then joins her in the process of suiting up. Chuck wanted to come along to the drift test, but Raleigh asked him not to because it'll be quite awkward to have a threeway drift hangover that'll be even stronger when they're all in close proximity. Raleigh also pointed out that this drift is between him and Mako, their personal bonding time. She's his best friend, and he wants to spend some quality time with her, especially while they're sharing the drift hangover. Chuck had mulled over it a bit, but by the end of breakfast he'd agreed, making it a point to let Raleigh know that he wasn't offended. 

Raleigh is honest enough to admit that he's positively surprised by Chuck's mature handling of the situation. He'd expected a bit more drama, hurt feelings and profound explanations, but maybe yesterday's talk did really change something for Chuck. He was quiet for the rest of the day, even as they passed by Amanda James' office to tell her that they'd participate in her promotional tour. It wasn't a bad 'quiet', though. Through their connection Raleigh could feel him think things over as if he was coming to terms with a lot of different issues and he just needed the time to do it. Chuck also made it clear that he wanted Raleigh close and unabashedly cuddled up to him once they were back in their quarters. Raleigh smiles at the memory of Chuck draped halfway over him, slowly falling asleep instead of watching the second Lethal Weapon movie. 

Now Raleigh's looking forward to drifting with Mako again. He liked the connection between them during and after their drifts before Operation Pitfall, and he's sure that Mako is looking forward to it, too. He knows how much drifting means to her, how much she craves that closeness to somebody she trusts. It was remarkable how much their connection had strengthened from their first to their second drift, and Raleigh is sure that a lot of it came from Mako allowing herself to trust him after she'd been in his head and knew that she could.

Mako has finished suiting up just a minute before Raleigh, and she's looking eager to get going, never mind that her arm is back in its sling. Raleigh grins at her and follows her to the simulator's Conn-Pod. "Ready to kick some ass, Ranger Mori?"

"I always am, Ranger Becket." She's smirking when they enter the Conn-Pod.

"I'll take the left side this time." Raleigh announces while he's walking over to harness number two.

"Thank you, Raleigh." Mako gives him a smile that's somewhere between touched and grateful. She knows she can't pilot the left hemisphere with her left arm in a sling. She obviously appreciates that Raleigh takes the initiative so that she doesn't have to ask to switch sides, especially since she's well aware of Raleigh's bad shoulder is on the left side as well.

The techs secure them in their respective harnesses before leaving the Conn-Pod. The door hisses as it closes, and only a second later Doc Lightcap's voice comes over the comms. "Welcome to today's drift test, Ranger Becket and Ranger Mori. Considering that both of you are still suffering from injuries, we'll take it easy today. The goal is not to exert yourselves, but to analyse your neural handshake while performing specific tasks."

"Understood." Mako says and Raleigh is glad she's taking over the communication.

"Basically today will include the same elements as yesterday's drift so that we create comparable data, meaning that I'll first have you do some exercises followed by a battle simulation." Doc Lightcap explains. Raleigh figures that it's mostly for Mako's benefit since he himself knows how the previous test was structured. "Now, are you ready for the neural handshake?"

"Ready." Mako replies after a quick look at Raleigh to make sure he is ready, too.

"Initiating neural handshake in ten - nine - eight..."

Same as yesterday, Raleigh closes his eyes, relaxes his shoulder and clears his mind. He focusses his senses on Mako, listens to the rhythm of her breathing and synchronises his own with it. He can feel her do the same thing, it's a routine they fall into without even having to think about it.

"... three - two - one..."

There's the flash that's typical for the initiation of the drift, followed by a wave of memories, images, sounds, tastes, feelings; specific moments as well as general impressions. It's difficult in a way he never experienced before to clear his mind and focus on the drift, to concentrate on establishing a stable connection with Mako. It's very different from yesterday's drift initiation with Chuck. Raleigh hasn't drifted with a normally liked partner since his first drift with Chuck, and it's only now that he realises the many little differences to the connection between a perfect match. It's not at all what the drift with Chuck feels like, it's not as precise, not as straight-forward, not as... _easy_. It actually takes effort, and while Raleigh knows that it always did, he almost forgot about it because of the effortlessness of his drifts with Chuck. He feels Mako experiencing all his impressions and for a fleeting second Raleigh is hit by her intense longing for a perfect match of her own, somebody she could share the things with that Raleigh just thought about. It's gone before Raleigh can get a real grasp of it.

Once the connection is made, it's easy to fall back in sync with Mako. The compatibility that's always been between them establishes right away, no fumbling or testing necessary. Raleigh feels his mind clear and then he becomes aware of Mako's presence, as strong but subtle as he remembers her from their earlier drifts. Chuck feels like raw emotion compared to her tightly controlled mind.

"Neural handshake at 97%." Doc Lightcap tells them over the comms. "It's nice and stable now, but I did detect some initiation trouble. Did you feel that?"

"Yes, I did." Raleigh replies because he's quite sure that the trouble was caused by him and not by Mako. "It's gone now, though."

"The data confirms that." Doc Lightcap agrees and Raleigh can hear some noise in the background as if she's noting something down. "Do you feel up for some exercises? We'll start easy and up the difficulty as we go."

"We're ready." Mako says, this time without looking at Raleigh because she doesn't need to. Their thoughts are shared so easily that she knows that he's ready. Doc Lightcap has them do the same exercises as yesterday, from moving a certain part of the Jaeger to complex figures. Raleigh is sure he remembers the complicated exercises as easier as he experiences them now, but he's too busy to hold onto that thought. He feels not only his own left shoulder begin to hurt, he can also clearly pick up on the growing pain in Mako's collarbone. He's worried, but she sends him gentle but firm reassurance that she's fine and wants to continue. 

After the exercises begins the battle simulation. This time they're defending Kamchatka, but same as yesterday, Doc Lightcap sets them up against two evolved Kaiju. At least she's sending them in one after the other and not together, probably in deference to Mako's and Raleigh's injuries. It takes longer to defeat the Kaiju than in yesterday's simulation, but Raleigh isn't sure if that's due to the normal link between him and Mako or simply because they're both injured. What he is sure of is that he's way more exhausted at the end of today's testing than he was yesterday, and it's almost a relief to disengage, get out of the drivesuit and under the hot shower. Once they're clean and dressed, Mako and Raleigh find Doc Lightcap waiting for them in the drivesuit room. 

"So, Doc, what do you say?" Raleigh asks when they reach her. He's slowly rotating his left shoulder to ease the pain. 

"It's too early to answer that question with certainty, but a first assessment seems to hint that you suffered some neural damage from your solo driving. Nothing extensive, not even remotely comparable to Marshal Pentecost's situation, but enough to show during your drift with Ms Mori." Doc Lightcap tells him frankly, not sugar-coating the facts. "I have to compare the data to get a conclusive result, but I can already tell you that your brain reacted differently than it did to your drift with Chuck yesterday. Interestingly enough, whatever damage you sustained seems to have no impact on your drift with him. My guess is that it's related to the perfect match connection, probably the same effect we've witnessed in Pentecost's and Hansen's drift."

"So I have suffered neural damage." Raleigh repeats just to be clear. And maybe because he feels like he has to say the words out loud to believe them. His stomach decidedly sinks at the sound of them, though.

"You have. But honestly, that is not surprising given that it was your second time driving solo. To the contrary, it's amazing how little harm the solo drifting did to you." Doc Lightcap confirms his suspicion with a serious expression. "As I said, I need to analyse the data before I can give any reliable results, but during today's drift there were moments when it was blatantly clear that something was off. You might remember the trouble during the initiation, that was the first hint."

"Yeah, I remember that." Raleigh nods and feels a wave of reassurance come over his ghost drift with Mako. "So might that damage be responsible for my disorientation and the holes in my memories?"

"I don't know yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I find something out. You've just begun to wean off your medication, it's too soon to say for sure that it's not one of their side effects." Then the Doc gives him a reassuring smile. "But I can tell you already that the simulation you and Ms Mori just completed was very good and your drift still ranges well above what most normally linked pilots achieve. So I'd say it's safe to assume that this new neural damage will not critically impact on your ability to drift, whether it's with your perfect match or a compatible partner."

That does actually make Raleigh feel better, even if there are still many unanswered questions left. "Thanks, Doc."

"Don't worry too much right now, Ranger Becket. You're still in the process of healing. Give it some time." Doc Lightcap says with another one of her reassuring smiles, then she addresses both of them. "Thank you for your work today. I'll keep you updated."

When she has left, Raleigh feels disorientated for a moment or two, and the only thing keeping him in the here and now is the steady ghost drift to Mako. He can tell that she's lost in thoughts, too. Maybe they both need a distraction, and Raleigh's grumbling stomach points out rather forcefully what that distraction could be.

"Want to go grab some lunch?" Raleigh asks and Mako smiles at him before she nods. He can feel her pleasure at the prospect of enjoying a quiet lunch together, and it's kind of nice to have that connection to her again. Raleigh knows that their ghost drift will fade, it'll probably be gone by the evening or at the latest by tomorrow, but for as long as they have it, Raleigh wants to make the most of it. 

They head to the mess hall, which is already pretty busy considering that it's not even noon yet. They're just loading up their trays with food and water at the serving counter when Raleigh turns to Mako, a smirk on his face. "Jaeger bay?" 

"Yes." Mako smiles and nods in agreement and they take their trays up to the work platform in the now deserted Jaeger bay that once housed Gipsy. It still feels wrong how ghostly quiet the bay is, so different to what a Jaeger bay is supposed to be like.

Raleigh sets his and then Mako's tray down on the platform, then he slowly eases down, careful not to put too much strain on his shoulder. It's really hurting by now, but he can tell that Mako's collarbone is even worse off. She's sitting down without her usual grace, using her right arm to get to the ground, and that alone tells Raleigh that she's in quite a lot of pain, too. 

She catches him watching and grins suddenly. "We look like two grandparents. _Invalid_ grandparents."

Raleigh laughs at the image she paints in his mind. "We most certainly do. I don't remember drift sims being so exhausting."

"Me neither." Mako agrees with a pointedly exaggerated sigh. "Maybe we are really getting old."

"You're twenty-two years old, Mako, I doubt that counts as 'old'." Raleigh imitates her excessively dramatic sigh. "Me, on the other hand..."

Mako just chuckles and pulls her tray over. "Then let's eat, grandpa. Maybe that'll give us some energy."

"Hopefully." Raleigh's stomach growls again as if to make a point, so he follows Mako's example. They both opted for some stir-fry with rice and vegetables, and when the scent of the food rises to his nose, Raleigh suddenly feels famished. They eat in comfortable silence, their feet dangling over the platform's edge and the ground that's several storeys below them. Mako kicks her legs from time to time, a strangely carefree little gesture that Raleigh knows means that she's happy and feels comfortable and relaxed. 

"How's your collarbone?" Raleigh nods towards her sling, swallowing the last of his stir-fry and putting the plate back on the tray. "Don't say it's fine, I can _feel_ that it's hurting."

"All right, it's not exactly fine." Mako concedes with an amused little twitch at the corner of her mouth betraying that she'd been about to say exactly what Raleigh had predicted. "But it's also not as bad as I expected. I knew that participating in a drift simulation with a battle situation was going to take its toll, after all. I told Dr Lightcap that I knew my limits when she asked me if I was willing to do a drift test with you." 

Raleigh snorts, but it's teasing and good-natured. "You fought a _real_ battle with a broken collarbone, Mako, so I'm not quite sure about that."

She inclines her head as if to admit that he has a point, but she doesn't say it. "I may go beyond my limits when the situation demands it."

"Welcome to the club." Raleigh chuckles and reaches for his dessert - a bowl of fruit salad. It looks very good and he'd heard it call his name when he'd seen it at the serving counter. "I think that's a characteristic that applies to most Rangers. Or, well, all of them, considering that there aren't many of us left."

"While we're talking about injuries: How is your shoulder feeling?" Mako asks with a note in her voice that admonishes Raleigh not to whitewash things. He knows it's pointless anyway, Mako _knows_. Not only because of the drift, but also because of the ghost drift that's still going strong. 

"It hurts, but that was to be expected." Raleigh shrugs - of course only with the right shoulder, he's become good at that - and then he pointedly looks at Mako's arm in its sling. "Judging by what I felt in the drift, it's not as painful as your collarbone, though, so I won't complain."

Mako smiles at him, amusement plain in her voice when she says, "Two peas in a pot, huh?"

"Definitely." That reminds Raleigh of something. "While we're at peas and pots: Chuck and I agreed to go on the promotional tour. You're coming too, aren't you?"

Mako nods, suddenly serious. "Of course I am. Fact is that the public regards me as the face of the PPDC, whether I want it or not. I'm also one of the pilots, so if I don't come along, it will strongly undermine our credibility."

"True." Raleigh hasn't thought about it like that, but her reasoning is plausible. She really doesn't have a choice - not that Mako would ever do something that goes against her sense of duty.

"I will not be along for the entire six weeks, though, only for certain periods of time. I can't leave the Mark VI and the Civilian Explorers developments alone for six weeks. It's too important that we get our defences up again." Mako doesn't say that a new Breach could open anywhere, at any moment, and that they're all sitting ducks right now. She doesn't need to, Raleigh is well aware of that unpleasant fact. "The same goes for Tendo-san, Dr Lightcap, Dr Gottlieb and Dr Geiszler. They're also only going to join the tour for specific events. Otherwise they're tasked to get the Proving Grounds and the Academy reopened and organise the transport of all necessary equipment to Kodiak Island."

"We're really getting the PPDC back on its feet, aren't we?" Raleigh asks with a bit of wonder in his voice. He'd had his doubts, but things are looking up now. "If that tour creates as much money and support as Ms James thinks, then we really have a chance."

"That's why it's so important that the tour is a success. We're really weak at the moment, especially financially." Mako sets down her empty plate and almost reverently reaches for the chocolate pudding she allowed herself to indulge in today. She's distracted from their conversation for a moment, and Raleigh can't help finding that adorable. He can feel over their ghost drift how much she's looking forward to that pudding, enough that she has to shake herself out of it in order to continue talking. Raleigh knows that most people would never believe him if he told them that the disciplined and perfectionist Mako Mori has the biggest sweet tooth he's ever encountered in a person. 

Mako looks up and forces her thoughts back on track. "That thermonuclear bomb took the last of our reserves. We're pretty much operating on hot air right now. Well, and debts, because we have enough of a standing since the closure of the Breach that we could at least get enough loans to cover our ongoing costs and the initial phase of the new research and construction."

"That bad?" Raleigh doesn't bother to hide his surprise. He hadn't expected that.

Mako nods gravely. "Now you know why Ms James insisted on the tour. It really is our last life line." 

"We'll make sure it's a success, then." Raleigh vows, then he grins. "I'll try to keep Chuck from offending the public at any chance he gets. Oh, and from punching journalists."

"That would help tremendously." Mako laughs quietly. "Believe it or not, Chuck-kun is very popular, especially with the young people, male and female alike. If he behaves, he can generate a lot of positive publicity - and money, obviously." 

Raleigh raises an eyebrow. "And if he doesn't?"

"Well, they'll probably still like it, as long as it's not completely out of line." Mako admits with a shrug, most of her attention is devoted to scarping the last of her chocolate pudding out of the bowl. "I've read once that he's perceive as the 'rebel Ranger' of the PPDC. There's no doubt that he's extremely skilled, but at the same time he defies the system. They identify with him."

"Don't _ever_ tell him that, Mako." Raleigh warns her with an exaggerated horrified expression on his face. "His ego is big enough as it is. He'll never let us live it down."

That makes Mako laugh, and Raleigh joins her. There's a bit of truth to his words, though, and they both know it.

"I'm glad to see that you and Chuck-kun have managed to get past your issues. You had me worried for a moment." Mako says with a genuinely pleased smile, but Raleigh can also feel her confusion in their ghost drift. "I'm still surprised how two people in a perfect match bond manage to have such misunderstandings, though."

"I guess we're just a little pig headed, short sighted and egocentric, Chuck and I." Raleigh admits with a chuckle that's a little pained. He's well aware that the mess after Chuck told him about Yancy was entirely Raleigh's fault, but that it was Chuck who paid the price for it. "We're very lucky to have you, though, to kick our asses when we need it."

"I'll be happy to help." Mako offers with a smirk, licking the last of her chocolate pudding off the spoon. Raleigh likes seeing her like that, for a moment she's just Mako, not the head of the Jaeger construction team or the face of the PPDC. He thinks she doesn't get that opportunity as often as she should.

"How was your pudding?" Raleigh enquires with a smirk when Mako puts down the bowl on her tray.

"Delicious." Mako replies with a smile that reminds him of the cat who ate the canary. He can feel her satisfaction filling their ghost drift, too. "And your fruit salad?"

Raleigh looks at the bowl in his hands that's long since empty, he just forgot that he's still holding it. "Very good. I love that there's no shortage of tropic fruit in Hong Kong. Anchorage wasn't exactly blessed with a fruit variety."

Mako nods in understanding. "I remember that fruit were rather rare in most Shatterdomes when I grew up. Hong Kong was always special as an open port."

She falls silent and Raleigh feels that her thoughts are drifting towards another, more serious topic. He grabs his water bottle to drink and waits for her to decide where she wants to start, because there's no doubt that she wants to talk about it. 

It takes a few minutes of them just sitting next to each other in companionable silence before Mako speaks. "Sensei talked to me yesterday. He told me about the drift-dream Hansen-san experienced when they drifted while Sensei was still in a coma."

"I know." Raleigh nods with a gentle smile, not really surprised that this is what's on her mind. He knows from the memory of Herc's conversation with Chuck that Pentecost was supposed to tell Mako about it, too, because Herc mentioned it at the beginning.

Mako inclines her head in immediate understanding. "Chuck-kun?"

"Yeah." Raleigh confirms quietly. Of course she knows that Chuck would have told him about something like that. "And I got a fleeting impression of your and Pentecost's conversation during our drift."

"How did Chuck-kun take it?" Mako slowly sips her water. Raleigh can tell that she knows Chuck well enough to be aware that such revelations are bound to have a strong effect on him.

"Not too well at first." Raleigh admits with a pained half-smile. "He showed me the conversation with his father during our drift test. Afterwards it took a lot of talking and cuddling to get him out of his own mind which was turning in circles. I think he was mostly surprised and confused. He probably never dared to think about who his family was after his mother was killed. You know how badly he deals with rejection, and how much he fears losing those he cares for. It was just easier to pretend he didn't care about anybody."

Mako nods with a long sigh. "Yes, that sounds like something Chuck-kun would do."

Raleigh leans in just enough to very gently bump his bad left shoulder against her uninjured right arm. "And you? How do you feel about it?"

Mako is quiet for a long while, just staring out into the vastness of the empty Jaeger bay. Raleigh watches her and at the same time he lets her emotions pass over him through the ghost drift. He can feel that she's ready to answer even before she turns to face him. There's a little smile on her face that definitely holds a note of wistfulness. "I would have liked to grow up in that world." 

Raleigh feels a shiver run down his entire body that he knows is caused in part by Mako's intense longing that is transmitting over their drift hangover. He can feel that she would have loved to have that childhood, to have Pentecost and Herc as her parents, to have Tamsin and Luna as her crazy aunties, to have Chuck as her real brother. She would have loved a world without Kaiju, a world full of ice cream and favourite movies and Jaeger sand sculptures on the beach. But most of all, she would have loved to have that family Pentecost imagined, and to call it hers.

"They still became my family, even if we didn't share the life Sensei wished for." Mako says quietly, but her voice is firm. Then she bites her lip, and Raleigh knows she's not done yet. He just waits for her to continue and allows her to lean against him, not matter that the contact makes his bad shoulder hurt. Mako usually isn't one to initiate physical contact, but he can tell that she needs the touch right now. "Sensei, Hansen-san and Chuck-kun are my family. I told Sensei that, after he woke up. I think he never really knew." 

Mako sighs and it sounds pained and weary. "He apologised for the childhood he gave me. I couldn't let him believe that he failed me in any way, because he didn't. If he hadn't come to get me out of that orphanage, my life wouldn't have been very nice. I was just one of many children with no direct family, and the relatives I had made it unmistakably clear that they didn't want me."

"He gave you a chance to have a life." Raleigh muses.

"More than that. He gave me a _home_ \- not a place, but the feeling to belong with somebody who wants you, loves you and won't ever give up on you. That's worth more than a place." Mako's voice is quiet yet passionate in a way Raleigh hasn't heard before and he slowly begins to see Mako's relationship to Pentecost in a new light. He's not just some hero figure who saved her, but a real parent, a father in every way but by birth. Mako deeply loves him and it pains her that he might think he failed her. In a strange way it makes Pentecost more real and human to Raleigh, something he never really associated with the man. There's a reason why Pentecost makes such an excellent fixed point, after all.

"And then he gave me a family, too. Even if it's not a traditional one." Mako continues, her voice softer than before, then she gives him a half-smile. "Even if it still needs some work."

Raleigh chuckles. Mako is not one to gloss over the real issues. She's well aware that it will take some effort on everybody's part to turn her makeshift family into a stable one. "I think Chuck got to that conclusion, too. Or, well, he's still on the way to that realisation. But in any case, yesterday was a good start."

"Maybe Operation Pitfall has its good side, too. Apart from closing the Breach." Mako's voice sounds pensive, like she just came to realise some things. "We found out that we have something to lose. All of us. When I was in that orphanage in Tokyo, I never expected to be part of a family again. But now I have Sensei, Hansen-san and Chuck-kun. And I don't want to lose them again."

Raleigh nods slowly, following her train of thought. "And for Chuck to realise that he had something to lose, it took actually losing it. Losing his dad and Pentecost."

"And you." Mako points out, never one to keep silent when she thinks something needs to be said. "Losing you almost pushed him over the edge, Raleigh. And I think that that experience opened a few doors that had been firmly shut for years."

Raleigh looks down with a frown that's mostly guilt and regret. "And then I go and shut him out when he told me about Yancy."

"Yes, that was bad." Mako eyes him with concern as well as a challenge in her gaze. "But I think you know that now. And I hope you have learned to never do it again."

"I have." Raleigh holds her gaze and feels her approval over the ghost drift. 

"Good. Because I'm not sure Chuck-kun can deal with losing you a third time." Her voice makes it clear that she means it, and it makes an unpleasant shiver run down Raleigh's spine. "I have known him for a long time, but I have never seen him so hurt."

"I know. He put up shields, but it still leaked through." Raleigh presses his lips into a thin line. He knows that Mako has enough experience to understand how strong feeling have to be when somebody as good in shielding as Chuck doesn't manage to keep them from transmitting. "And I felt it all when our ghost drift reopened. It was... a lesson. One I don't ever want to repeat."

He can tell that Mako picks up on the unpleasant memories he's reliving and that she gets a gist of the depth of the pain he inflicted on Chuck. He's sure that she also feels the intense hurt that made him curl up on himself when Chuck told him about Yancy.

"I know that Yancy is a sore spot for you, Raleigh." Mako says gently, but her voice is firm. She makes a point to hold his gaze to show him that she means it. "But you need to learn that you're not alone anymore. You don't have to deal with it on your own."

Raleigh feels her support and understanding over their ghost drift, and he gives a little lopsided smile. "Thank you, Mako."

"That's what friends are for." She gently nudges his shoulder and smiles at him. "I consider myself very lucky to have met you. I never had a best friend before."

"We moved around a lot, so I only ever had Yancy." Raleigh bites his lips when another feeling washes over him at the mention of his brother's name. Anger. "You know, when Chuck told me about what Yancy did during that drift, I really wanted to punch Yancy. I haven't felt like that in years."

"Punch him?" Mako asks with obvious surprise in her voice. "What did he do?"

"He sent Chuck into the memories of the worst time of my life. It was right after Knifehead, in the hospital." Raleigh grits his teeth and forces himself to talk about something that he never mentioned voluntarily before. To anyone. Chuck only knows about it because of Yancy's stunt. "I was in a bad way back then. Really bad. I saw no reason to keep going, but a lot of reasons to just stop living. And Yancy sent Chuck in my mind as it was at that point."

"Oh dear." Mako's tone makes it clear that she knows exactly what such an experience would do to Chuck, especially in the context of what happened to Raleigh during Operation Pitfall. Raleigh can feel her shock and worry over the ghost drift, sharp and intense. She's well aware that Chuck never dealt well with loss, and this is kind of his worst case scenario. 

"Obviously I didn't know about what Yancy did because I couldn't - and still can't - remember anything about that drift. But now imagine, in the context of these events, what me cutting off our ghost drift must have felt like to Chuck." This is something Raleigh has felt guilty about ever since Chuck told him about Yancy's inconsiderate, even cruel actions. Raleigh still doesn't know how to make up for his horrible misstep, no matter that it was unintentional.

"Why did Yancy do that to him?" Mako asks with a frown. "If I understand correctly, then he knows everything you do, which means that he must have been aware of what his action would do to Chuck-kun."

"Exactly." Raleigh nods with a grim expression on his face. "And now you know why I wanted to punch Yancy. I still do, actually."

Mako nods slowly. "I understand." 

"Chuck says it was part of the shovel talk Yancy gave him." Raleigh continues to explain. He still feels that urge to hit Yancy, it's kind of simmering under his skin. "He's a lot more understanding than I am, actually."

Mako's eyebrows rise in surprise, as if she's not quite sure she heard right. "Chuck-kun doesn't resent Yancy for it?"

"No, he doesn't. Actually, he said that he understands why Yancy did it." 

"I didn't expect that." Mako admits with obvious astonishment, but there's approval in her words. "Chuck-kun has really changed a lot in the past weeks."

"He has." Raleigh agrees with a slow nod, remembering the antisocial jerk he met when he first arrived in Hong Kong. "I have only met him about three weeks ago, but even I can tell he's not the same guy anymore who I fought with in the hallway in front of Pentecost's office. A lot of pivotal things have happened, though, so I guess it's not actually _that_ surprising. I didn't come out of the encounter with Knifehead unchanged, either, after all."

"I'm sorry that I never met Yancy." Mako replies with a quiet voice, leaning with her shoulder against Raleigh's again. "He's so important to you, yet I feel like I have only a very much incomplete picture of him in my mind that consists of your memories and things I heard as a child."

Raleigh feels his throat close with something that's hurt and regret and guilt and the craving to see his brother again, no matter how much he behaved like an ass in the drift with Chuck. Mako mentioning him in that voice filled with genuine regret makes Raleigh miss him so much again, like a phantom pain in a limb he lost, a pain that he can never ease. Knowing that Yancy is somewhere in his mind right now - and has been all that time - only makes him feel even more guilty.

Raleigh swallows the lump in his throat and leans into Mako's shoulder. "Next time we drift, I'll show you some of my memories of him. Then you can see for yourself." 

Mako gives him a gentle smile. "I would like that."

Raleigh falls silent and turns to stare out into the vastness of the Jaeger bay, knowing that Mako is doing the same thing. They're still leaning against each other, and Raleigh can tell that Mako feels comfortable and generally content, although she's also lost in her own thoughts. It's a companionable silence, and Raleigh enjoys relaxing into it. He's glad Pentecost came to get him to join the PPDC's final assault. He's glad to finally feel like he's living again, like he has a purpose again, like he belongs somewhere. When he was crawling around the massive structures of the Wall of Life, he'd never once thought about belonging somewhere again, all of these thoughts and hopes were ripped out of his mind and heart when Knifehead tore through Gipsy's Conn-Pod and took Yancy away. Raleigh remembers going from day to day without any kind of emotion beyond regret, guilt and sadness. Now his life feels so very different - in a good way.

"I'm glad Pentecost made me come here." Raleigh hears himself say out loud into the silence and he's kind of surprised by the sound. He turns to face Mako who's now looking at him with that pleased little smile of hers. 

"So am I." She gently bumps into his shoulder. "Welcome to our strange Shatterdome family, Raleigh."

"Thanks, Mako." Raleigh feels a smile come to his face. He knows he finally belongs _with_ somebody again. Chuck and Mako are his family now, and Yancy may be currently out of reach, but at least he's still there. Things are finally looking up.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic and if you feel like it, make my day with a wee comment? ^_^


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